Good Morning Ladies, I’m excited to continue the After The Knot series we started back in September, 2015 (Read More Posts Here). We all know that after weâ€™veÂ said our I-Doâ€™s and the honeymoon stage is over, youâ€™re now looking at each other likeâ€¦..whatâ€™s next? How can we build together, grow together and make our vows last an eternity. After The Knot is here to inspire, uplift and encourage long lasting relationships by sharing Date Night Ideas, Relationship Advice/Tips & Marriage Testimonials.
Chat Soon, Roâ€™Shunda
After The Knot: TURNING â€œIâ€ INTO â€œWEâ€
By: Yasmine Brown.
I know when I got married, turning my â€œIâ€ into â€œWeâ€ was not easy. I still struggle with it but I’ve gotten so much better because I understand how it makes my marriage better and more fulfilling. Being a woman with ambitions, desires, strong work ethics, demanding professional positions and big goals can sometimes be a little intimidating to your relationship. Your work is competing with your marriage and many times we find ourselves picking and choosing when we are going to put our marriage first and when we are going to put our professional aspirations first. Something is either winning or something is losing..
I understand the feeling because I’ve been there and still have to remind myself that we are a team and thereâ€™s no â€œIâ€ in team. You will read articles that say the rate for divorce is between 40% – 50% and the main causes are communication and finances.
The lack of communication willÂ create a big strain on your relationship. Verbally, true expression of your feelings are not being conveyed, misunderstanding arouses, conflicts in judgement, and negative/abusive language is spoken. Then, there is the nonverbal communication. When you choose to work all night when something is bothering youÂ instead of talking, when you are too tired to make love to your husband because you have been working all day and night, when you go all day without having any type of conversation or show affection to your husband because you have been tied up into your work. I havenâ€™t Â touched on the cooking and cleaning because the list goes on and on.
When you do this repeatedly, you are making â€œIâ€ decisions. These are all nonverbal communicative ways to tell your husband that he loses and your work wins. I know this sucks right? But it can get better for you just as it did and is still getting better for my hubby and me.
1. Â First, you have to understand that your husband is not trying to make you choose. He wants your happiness just as much as you do. So if your profession makes you happy then he wants to see you be successful. So begin including him in what you are doing as a cheerleader and supporter. The more he understands the better he can cheer for you.
2.Â Â Â Â Secondly, you have to compromise. We canâ€™t be in two places at one time but we can make sure that both places are taken care of. For example, if your husband asks you to go out with friends with him, instead of shooting him down, go out with him and ask a business partner to help you with finishing what you have to complete, set your alarm to get up earlier. If you absolutely cannot go, then talk to him about it so, that he can understand the importance and set up another date for everyone to hangout. When making a decision that affects the both of you in anyway at all, always be open to all possibilities including compromise.
3.Â Â Â Â Finally, always put him first and stay in positive communication. Being number one in anyoneâ€™s life is a big deal and comes with a lot of responsibility because you have to always keep that personâ€™s best interest at heart. If he is asking for your attention, give it to him or help him to understand why at that moment you canâ€™t. If you are not able to please your husband for whatever reason, always make it up to him because he is putting his feelings, wants and maybe even needs aside so that you can continue to do what you would like.Â He is putting you first so, you want to reward him for that.
This has help me and other women I have coached tremendously in their marriage. One couple that was on the verge of divorce, ending up renewing their vowels so it works and I am sure it will work for you!
Yasmine BrownÂ is the owner ofÂ Focus Your Strive, a womenâ€™s development company to help women move from one place in her life to the next, founder ofÂ Beauties On Successful Strives (BOSS), a womenâ€™s empowerment organization for women who go for hers no matter what, boldly and have FUN doing so, and author ofÂ Love: Answers to a New Beginning, womenâ€™s empowerment guide to a better You.Â